A Game About Achieving Stuff

Running away from your problems?

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You killed 100 innocents, it's getting wierd...

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You inspected all the paintings. You are now officially better than everyone else.

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You bought the Giant Bone. You just spent a fortune on a dead guy's limb.

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You unlocked 50 achievements. 'Believe you can and you're halfway there.' (Mathematically incorrect but nice sentiment).

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You found the Library. Try not to learn anything by accident.

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You bonked a wall once. Physics: 1 You: 0.

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You bought 250 items. Congratulations you have single-handedly saved the economy.

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You found the recycling room. We turn yesterday's heroes into tomorrow's skeleton minions. Very sustainable.

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10 skeletons found! You really have a lot of skeletons in your closet, don't you?

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You bonked into a wall 100 times. Mind your head...

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You found the Store. You are legally required to exit through here.

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You gave the Janitor his missing limb.

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You upgraded 10 skills. Management is watching. Don't disappoint them.

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You read 'The Bone Song' while sitting. A rare moment of culture in a dungeon full of murder.

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Strafe left or right for a total of 60 seconds. Sidestepping your problems won't make them go away.

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You found the Funerarium. People are literally dying to get in here.

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You stood still for 30 seconds. Contemplating the meaning of life? Or just checking your phone?

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You unlocked 100 achievements. 'If you can dream it you can do it.' You dreamt of digital trophies. Cute.

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You turned off a torch. Saving energy one pixel at a time.

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You are now aware of your own mortality (and your HP).

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You turned off 50 torches! Do you hate seeing the game? Is it that ugly?

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10,000 Gold collected. Okay, mostly just rich.

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You bought your first item!

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You found your first bony friend! Don't ask him out, he doesn't have the guts.

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You bought 25 Scepters of Hygiene. You missed a spot.

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Double digits! Don't let it go to your head.

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You lit up 5 fire bowls! Something has changed in the air!

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You got drunk for the first time. Responsible drinking is not a mechanic in this game.

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You bonked a wall 50 times. You know you can just... turn?

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You earned 10 000 gold in interests, but what's you secret? TELL ME!

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You got drunk 25 times. HR has scheduled a meeting. We are worried about you.

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Okay, you're definitely hacking.

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You killed your first innocent, everybody can make mistakes.

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You picked up 10 keys. You sound like a walking wind chime.

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You picked up a key. Don't lose it.

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You picked up 50 keys. You know most doors are unlocked right?

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You drank alcohol for the first time. It tastes like regret and pixels.

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You opened a chest. No credit card required!

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1,000 Gold collected. Try not to weigh your character down.

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My feet hurt just watching you.

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YOU KILLED 500 INNOCENT PEOPLE??? WHY? Those are women, children!

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You activated 29 lever! Why 29? Why not?

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You sat for 60 seconds straight. The action is literally non-stop.

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You took 1000 damage. You have lost more blood than the human body actually contains.

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You opened 20 chests. Punching them first doesn't help by the way.

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Showing off are we? Or is your S key stuck?

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One hit point left. Do not sneeze.

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You upgraded a skill for the first time. We'll add it to your permanent record.

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You found every single skeleton! Honestly, we ran out of bone puns five achievements ago.

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Check the wall behind you in the starting area

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The dopamine treadmill begins now. Watch the bar fill up!

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You maxed out all skills. You are too good for this dungeon. You're fired.

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You took 100 damage. Maybe try dodging? Just a suggestion.

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You sat down 20 times. You live here now. Just stay there.

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Your investment has paid off, enough to buy you a cup of cofee. A digital one at least. If this game had any...

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You found a Lootbox. Finally a return on your investment...

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You unlocked 75 achievements. 'Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.'

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You bought the Skill Book. Time to turn those polygons into muscles.

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You placed your first gold piece, I'm sure the bank won't loose it.

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You found your first gold stash. It's a start!

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You're actually getting kind of scary.

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We don't condone this behavior. But here's an achievement anyway.

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You brought the fire! Now don't burn the place down.

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You found the RNG Department. Time to pray to the random number gods.

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Opening your inventory again won't magically make new loot appear. It's not a fridge.

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You found the Bank. Time to hoard your gold like a dragon with a 401k.

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You just kept running...

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You entered the Fire Hazard room. 0 days since the last workplace accident.

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You stood still for 30 minutes. Nice wallpaper you got there. Is it 4K?

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A perfect spot for a selfie, if phones existed.

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You killed 10 innocents. Your finger "slipped" ten times? Really?

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5 skeletons found! That's almost enough for a basketball team, if they had muscles.

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You jumped 100 times. Boing. Boing. Boing.

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You found the Music Room. The acoustics are perfect for echoing screams.

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You jumped 1000 times. Houston, we have a problem. It's you.

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You bought the Cheat Sheet. Some people like surprises. You clearly do not.

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Stand perfectly still for 360 seconds.

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You turned on and off torches 25 times. Trying to start a dungeon rave?

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You found 10 secret rooms. You're just walking face-first into every wall aren't you?

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You sat down once. Thrilling gameplay isn't it?

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You found 100 secret rooms. You spend more time inside the walls than in the actual dungeon.

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You unlocked 25 achievements. 'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'

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You spent 120 sec in the air. The floor is lava. Or maybe you just like furniture.

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You unlocked 150 achievements. 'The only way to do great work is to love what you do.' Do you love this? Really?

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You bought a Scepter of Hygiene. Someone has to clean up this mess.

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1,000,000 Gold collected. Netflix called, they want to make a documentary about you!

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You found the HR Department. The scariest room in the entire dungeon.

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You started the game! Thanks for clicking on buy!

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Look at you go! Almost like a real person.

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You opened a sarcophagus. 0/10 loot would not unbox again.

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You bought the Ledger of Vanity. Now you can track exactly how much time you are wasting.

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You started the gramophone. It sounds terrible but you insist it has 'warmth'.

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First time? Don't worry, it won't be the last.

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You placed 10 000 gold pieces! Congrtatualation, you now control this game's financial system!

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You jumped down a dark well. Did you really think there was a promotion down there?

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You activated a lever! What's it for?

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